• Kralingen

The Tea Drinkers


“They do look curious,” said the man, staring up at the gigantic alien spaceship that was hoovering in the atmosphere above the planet.

It had been hanging there for a week now, a vast bleakness covering half the sky. Yet the man and woman had found a spot where the afternoon sun escaped under the menacing object. They’d figured they could use a little tan.

“Yes. It does make one wonder, does it not,” said the woman, while applying her suntan lotion. “Could you be so wonderful and pour me some tea my dear?”

The man poured her a cup. “Well, I assume they must have studied our society at length. They must have come here to learn from us.” The man said thoughtfully. “We humans have come a long way since mindfulness was universally accepted. Our teachings would definitely benefit others such as them.”

The towering blackness hung silently. Watching. Waiting. Its devastating spikes blocking out the sun temporarily, forcing the couple to shift their chairs to catch some sun.

“At the very least they could use our design advice.” The woman prowled. “Their ship is just hideous!”

A haughty ‘ha’ escaped the man’s waist. His eyes were having fun. “You know what our Yogic teachings say about those who poster like that! They just need a little bit of extra love!”

The same haughty ‘ha’ now escaped the women. “Yes, yes, we have come far, haven’t we? There hasn’t been violence on Earth for millennia!”

Satisfied with their analysis, they closed their eyes to drink in the sun.

Then, like clockwork, the spaceship slowly yet suddenly came alive. The spikes churned heavily to face the planet’s surface. All across its bottom, smaller pin-like armaments started to warm up, covering themselves in a sickening brown-yellowish glow. With a loud clang coming from the middle of the spaceborne alien beast, enormous plates split away from one another, leaving a whole the size of Manhattan. Now, writhing organic tentacles fell out of its hideous underbelly with a slosh that made the planets stomach churn, its sound so horridly loud it must have carried through half the atmosphere.

And when they finally stopped dangling, in the middle aal that vileness a huge, needle-like structure bobbed downward, with crackling flits of purple and red lighting running over its dark metal exterior, revealing itself as a horrendous weapon aimed squarely down at the planet. There could be no doubt to its intentions.

The man, not particularly moved by the uproar, said jubilantly: “Oh, look here, I do believe we have some movement. We shall make first contact soon!”

Centuries of spiritual teachings so profoundly peaceful that they had settled into the deepest trenches of the women’s DNA all came to the surface when she finally managed to say: "I wonder if they'd like some tea…"


(Any day now, the Pentagon will release what it knows about UFO’s. If they really are here, let us hope they practice mindfulness too.)